The death of a loved one is an irreparable loss. How to help another person get through this difficult period of life? And how to survive the death of a loved one yourself, when it seems that life has stopped, and happiness without him is simply impossible?
Nobody wants to touch the topic of death - it itself touches us! It happens suddenly and overwhelmingly. Then her blow is even stronger, and the shock from the shock she has experienced leaves scars not only in the soul, but also on the body. How to survive the death of a loved one and not go crazy with grief? How to help someone who is experiencing the pain of loss? The answer is given by System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan, which shows that our entire psyche, like a thin lace, is woven from two forces - the force of life and the force of death.
The death of a loved one is an irreparable loss
Why such unbearable pain? Empty inside and empty outside. You just don't understand how to live on. The death of a loved one seems to throw you into another reality: into a meaningless and empty world in which there is no person dear to your heart.
When a person is suddenly overwhelmed by the departure of a loved one, he forgets about everything. At this moment, the brain seems to turn off, and he walks like a somnambulist, bumping not only into the things of a loved one, but also into memories of him.
And the memories are overwhelmed by a wave of emotions, and the pain from the loss of a loved one arises in the heart again and again. And now the tears are choking, there is a lump in my throat, there are no words, my legs are simply giving way. How to cope with the loss of a loved one?
And if someone from your circle experiences a loss, you also feel bitter and hurt, but for him. I want to help, but I don’t know how to find words of consolation.
You see how his whole being resists the news of his loss. You seem to hear him mentally screaming: “I don’t believe it! This can't be true! It’s unfair that such a good person passed away!” And then loneliness, melancholy, and uncontrollable grief suck him into their quagmire. I want to reach him, get him out of there. But how?
How to help another person get through this difficult period of life? And how can you survive the death of a loved one yourself, when it seems that life has stopped and happiness without him is simply impossible? Let's find out in this article.
Psychological aspects of the experience of death
Most people have a hard time dealing with death. Everyone reacts to death differently. Everything is determined by the unconscious characteristics of our psyche. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan classifies all these properties and unconscious desires, calling them vectors. And since people are not the same, recommendations on how to survive the death of a loved one also depend on the person’s psychology.
A person lives among other people. And we all have an innate set of vectors for fulfilling our role in society. Someone is given an excellent memory, another is given increased emotionality, a third is given a brilliant mind, etc. The mixing of different vectors creates a unique pattern of the psyche.
That is why Each person experiences loss differently. Some start, others uncontrollably, others fall into, and some confidently take on all the hassle of organizing.
As the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says, a person is always a desire to survive and continue himself in time. In a state of overstress - and death, of course, is such a state - unconscious adaptation programs come into play.
These are unconscious reactions, and the person simply does not understand what is happening to him. Why is he drawn into the abyss of fear, why does he fall into a stupor or, conversely, begin to flicker?
What does this depend on? From those innate properties that nature has endowed us with. And everyone is different. It will be easier to survive the loss of a loved one, to cope with melancholy and hopelessness when you realize what is happening to the psyche.
When a person feels guilty
There are special people among us for whom family, children, friends, gratitude, and justice are the most valuable things. All life events pass through this most important filter of perception for them. It is easy for such a person to plunge into a feeling of guilt, experiencing pain because he did not thank the deceased during his lifetime. Owners of these properties experience special, unbearable pain from the death of a beloved child - it is felt as a loss of the meaning of life.
Such a person also tends to immerse himself in memories, especially if they are pleasant memories. In this state, a person loses his point of support. He needs to be helped to regain balance. Death is a huge shock for him; he unconsciously tries to return to the past, when everything was good. In this state, he begins to live with memories.
The mere news of the death of a loved one makes such a person’s legs give way, his heart begins to pound, and he begins to feel short of breath. He may even become ill with his heart. It is especially difficult for the owner of the anal vector to survive the death of his mother. To adapt to the loss of a loved one and return to life again, the bearer of these properties always needs more time than others.
Who falls into hysterics from the loss of a loved one
Overcoming a sudden loss is especially difficult for people with a visual vector. Because at the heart of their psyche lies a root fear - the fear of death. It is they who, from the pain of loss, very often begin to cry, plunge into self-pity or fall into hysterics, that is, become isolated in the lower states of the visual vector. A sudden break in the emotional connection with the deceased is a huge stress for such people; they do not control themselves, do not understand how to survive this death and get out of difficult conditions.
As they go downward, they are drawn more and more into the vortex of fear of death. You can get out of such complex states only by understanding the entire mechanism and amplitude of visual states, to which Yuri Burlan devotes more than 20 hours to training.
It is people with a visual vector who risk plunging into a state of self-pity, which is actually very destructive, because it closes the sufferer on himself and once again on his unhappy self. And the visual vector belongs to the four extroverted vectors, for which isolation is unnatural and harmful.
This is one of the biggest mistakes that subsequently leads to health problems for the one experiencing loss. He begins to develop psychosomatic illnesses.
So how can you not lose your mind from grief, and also help others survive these states and not fall into unbridled self-pity and endless melancholy?
Tears help you cope with the death of a loved one
But tears are different. In a state of loss, when an unbearable tragedy clouds the mind, we begin to cry out of fear for ourselves. A whole circle of thoughts rushes through my head: how will I live without a loved one, a loved one?
We often cry out of self-pity. But tears can bring relief if you are able to redirect the vector of attention from yourself to others, to those who are also feeling bad right now. Visual people have a unique talent for empathy and compassion: the desire to support and reassure another will bring you great relief in how to cope with the loss of a loved one.
Of course, the loss of a loved one is a very difficult condition. It is important to understand all the psychological characteristics of these conditions, then you will be able not only to cope with the pain yourself, but also to help other people who have experienced loss.
When the death of a loved one is the greatest tragedy
But a person with an anal-visual combination of vectors experiences the loss especially strongly. For the anal vector, the greatest value is family, mother, children. For the visual, these are emotional connections with other people.
When a person has such a connection, for him the loss is a huge blow to his supervalues, it is a severance of an emotional connection that can never be restored.
Here memories of the past and lost emotional connections are woven into a tight knot. He is simply drawn into a whirlpool of memories, where he remembers all the good things, and some grievances and disappointments. All this at the same time has a very bright emotional coloring, and he gets worse and worse, up to panic attacks and the inability to move his legs.
Naturally, colleagues, relatives and friends will learn about the loss. They, of course, always offer help and support. But a person immersed in grief often unconsciously pushes away the helping hand. Surely you have encountered such situations. It is important to understand here that a person still needs help. How can I help him?
A person in grief - a special approach is needed
You need to skillfully support your loved ones. System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan gives such advice.
Be sure to support the person sincerely and with all your heart, but do not fall into lamentations like “how are you going to live now?”
Moreover, if you hear such notes, you need to be very attentive, make mental efforts and try to bring his melancholy into bright memories.
Do not allow impressionable and emotional owners of the visual vector to paint terrible pictures in their imagination.
Of course, in the first days he will be immersed in his grief, but subsequently he must be brought out into society. Help him see that someone else has it harder than him.
Those who love to live in memories can express their feelings through memoirs written for posterity about such a wonderful person.
So death is always a reason to remember the good things that were associated with this person. Remember what the deceased did in his life, remember the joyful, happy moments and understand that the person close to you left his unique mark on this world.
It is possible to survive the death of a loved one
First of all, if one of your loved ones is suffering from loss, when talking to them, tell them that life goes on and the best way to get through difficult times is in society.
After all, the loss of loved ones is a natural and logical stage of life. Life goes on! And only we choose what energy to fill life with: the energy of joy, light that will remain after us, or melancholy and grief, when everyone around you will shy away from you and try to avoid you.
This is what the training participants say who got rid of pain, and the departure of a loved one became for them a page of bright sadness instead of terrible and unbearable heart pain.
The death of a loved one - a tragedy or a new chord in life?
Man does everything to continue himself in time. And naturally, each of the loved ones leaves their mark. Some in their children, others in science or art, and some generally leave a deep mark on the soul of all humanity.
The tragedy of the death of a loved one is not the final chord of your life, but an opportunity to think about how your life resonates in the present. Are there any false notes in it, are you doing everything to leave your unique mark on the earth.
Life after death
Life is a cycle of energy, which, as we know, does not disappear without a trace. So in reality there is no death. The universe is structured according to the holographic principle. Even a piece of a small leaf leaves a holographic trace of the whole leaf.
So we don’t disappear into nowhere - we leave our mark: both material and spiritual.
People are actually much stronger than we think. It is much easier for a person to survive the shock of death when he has something to live for. When there is something that depends only on him, on his efforts and that is much greater than himself. And these are not always children or other relatives; sometimes a person is forced to live by an idea, the embodiment of which is the meaning of his life.
We can get rid of the pain of loss, and most importantly, survive it without loss of health, when we become aware of the unconscious mechanisms that control our lives. You can start getting acquainted with these powerful forces and restore their natural balance at the free online training System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.
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The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»The loss of a loved one is always an acute emotional shock. Regardless of whether a relative died in a disaster, passed away due to a combination of unforeseen circumstances, or died due to a long-term incurable illness. The loss of a loved one is always a sudden shock, severe stress and a heartbreaking crisis, followed by suffering.
Even if our loved one passed away after a debilitating cancer pathology, which modern medicine is unable to overcome, it is impossible to be psychologically prepared for a forced separation forever. Anyone, even a heroic and cold-blooded stoic, begins to feel mental pain and the bitterness of loss when the moment of farewell comes.
However, such a crisis does not at all mean the end of life for a widow or unhappy mother. The death of a relative should in no way become the culprit of gloomy thoughts about the meaninglessness of existence, leading to black melancholy. The loss of a relative is not at all a good reason to plunge into prolonged depression and cherish suicidal ideas in your head.
The loss of a spouse, parent, or child is often an inevitable aspect of life that no living creature can control. This is a step intended by nature or the Almighty so that we can grow as individuals and become more courageous. This is the stage that allows you to look at life with different eyes, reconsider existing guidelines and choose different priorities.
Losing a loved one: phases of grief
The first thing that those who are faced with the death of a loved one need to know is a natural fact: after the loss of a relative, any subject goes through several successive stages in his suffering. Moreover, the duration of each phase is unique for each person. Some people overcome the process of mental torment in a matter of weeks, while others take years to return to a full life. However, each of us who has faced the loss of a loved one needs to have genuine psychological knowledge about the features of each of the stages in order to understand our condition and prevent ourselves from getting too “stuck” at any stage.
Stage 1. Emotional shock reactions
Upon receiving the news of the death of a relative, a person experiences severe emotional shock. This state can manifest itself in complete numbness: the person “freezes” in his grief, ceasing to respond to any signals from the outside world. In such a situation, the subject may experience a state of stupor, when the tragedy does not allow him to move or move from his place. The person does not understand where she is now, loses orientation in time, and does not respond to calls from others.
The most unpleasant symptom of emotional shock is partial memory loss. That is, a person loses memories of the tragedy and does not understand what is really happening.
Also, emotional shock after the loss of a loved one manifests itself in excessive activation of motor functions and strong psychomotor agitation. The person begins to act too energetically, taking on all the troubles of organizing the funeral, trying to assist other family members.
Emotional shock is also characterized by the development of illogical and chaotic actions and the performance of meaningless actions. A person may flee in an unknown direction or attempt to commit suicide.
In this condition, it is extremely important not to leave the person alone. It is necessary to provide him with all possible assistance. However, you should not try to have “literate” heartbreaking conversations. Conversations in this case are absolutely useless, since a person who has lost a close relative either does not respond to admonitions at all, or becomes furious from attempts to calm him down. The best help is to create conditions so that the person can cry and shout out his grief. Tears in this situation are the ideal doctor, allowing you to significantly reduce suffering.
Stage 2. Denial of the tragedy that occurred
This stage can last up to two months after the loss of a close relative. A person already realizes that his loved one is no longer alive, but on a subconscious level he cannot recognize this fact and come to terms with the grief that has happened.
His unconscious mind does not accept his new status, and therefore “rewards” the person with all sorts of reminders of the deceased. A person may see the silhouette of his loved one in the crowd. He can hear his voice and “carry on” conversations with him. He may find some “confirmation” of the presence of a deceased person in the apartment. In his dreams, he constantly “meets” a deceased loved one.
How to survive this stage? You cannot be afraid, much less “fight” with your visions. Fighting your subconscious is a waste of energy. If you can’t completely let go of the past, you need to “make concessions” to the demands of your unconscious sphere of the psyche. To do this, you can “correspond” with the deceased, writing long letters of confession. For believers, visiting church and communicating with a clergyman helps a lot.
Those for whom visions of the deceased cause severe discomfort should definitely consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. Hypnosis sessions can completely change your attitude towards the past and say goodbye to reminders from your personal history forever. Hypnotherapy is a universal tool for painlessly “cleansing” the destructive parts of the life program. During hypnosis sessions, a person relives the drama that happened, places all the required emphasis and lets go of what happened.
At this stage, a phenomenon called “mummification” may occur. This term implies such circumstances when a person makes every effort to ensure the safety of what belonged to his deceased relative, as if expecting his imminent return. Persons keep the personal belongings of the deceased intact and leave his room unchanged. Such self-deception helps maintain the illusion that there was no drama at all, so there is no point in grieving. However, such a life in a fantasy world only remains calm for a while, later returning in the form of difficult thoughts about the past.
Another way to deny what happened is to endow people around with the traits of a deceased relative. In such a situation, a person consciously looks for objects that can be identified with the deceased person. He tries with all his might to build the same relationship with a new partner, to transfer into their communication the style that was characteristic during life with his deceased companion. Such attempts to identify two completely different people lead to the fact that a person ceases to live in the real world and is transferred to a convenient world created with his own hands.
Another common version of denial is to claim that there was no close relationship with the deceased person at all. In such a situation, the person convinces himself and those around him that contacts with the deceased person were purely formal, they were devoid of any love and mutual understanding.
Reluctance to admit the true facts and distortion of the past is a compelling reason to contact a psychotherapist. The specialist will help clarify the situation and allow the client to see the world in its true light, despite the light through the prism of fictitious arguments. Recognition of obvious facts, a realistic outlook on life is a guarantee that the subject will be able to survive the loss of a loved one without loss of mental strength.
Stage 3. Exhaustion
During this period, a person already accepts the loss of a close relative and learns to manage his feelings. Memories and pain cover the person in “waves”. There are days when the subject feels moral calm, but there are also moments of black melancholy.
At this stage, some people who were unable to survive the tragedy plunge into deep depression. They feel guilty because they are still alive and their loved one has left this world. They try with all their might to find evidence of their guilt, interpreting that they are the reason for the death of their relative.
Other individuals at this stage develop aggression directed at other people. They blame the whole world for the fact that their loved one is no longer alive. They blame doctors, police officers, the state. They conflict with other members of society, since they exist in this world, and their relative is already in another world.
The most terrible manifestation of this stage is the emergence of obsessive ideas about the meaninglessness of life. A person embarks on philosophical reflections about what life is, and comes to the absurd conclusion that the best outcome for him is death. Often at this stage, people who have not been able to survive the loss of a loved one attempt to commit suicide. They see no prospects for their future existence, cannot imagine life without a beloved relative, have no desires, plans or goals, and simply do not want to move into the future, frozen in the past.
When a person is diagnosed with depression, it is extremely important to immediately seek medical help, since it is often impossible to get out of the abyss of depression on your own. During psychotherapy sessions or when using hypnosis techniques, the patient gains the opportunity to gain complete control over his inner world. The doctor helps the client accept a loved one in the role of the deceased and directs the suffering person to search for new life guidelines.
Having discovered the “core” of the problem, which is hidden in the deep depths of the psyche, the hypnologist helps eliminate the destructive components of the life scenario that poison the present and interfere with the patient’s future. In a state of hypnotic trance, the doctor carries out a verbal installation - a suggestion aimed at gaining faith in one’s own strength in a person exhausted by the tragedy.
Anyone who cannot find the strength to move on after the loss of a loved one should seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will help you get rid of the feeling of helplessness and gain vitality for further building a happy future, free from fears and anxiety.
The loss of a loved one is, unfortunately, something that each of us has experienced or will experience. Or perhaps you are experiencing this right now. Coping with loss is one of the most difficult challenges in life. But this is an experience that will affect everyone sooner or later. The loss of a loved one is accompanied by several stages, which are very important to survive without harm. How to cope with grief?
1. Denial.
Feeling of shock as soon as you hear the news of death. Thought: “Is this a joke? If so, stop it now.” In addition, the very idea that you will no longer see someone so dear to you seems unrealistic. You can't believe this is happening to you. Death is usually somewhere out there, far away. In someone else's life. In news and crime reports. But that's it. To be with you. It is not true!
2. Anger.
The news of death was too unexpected for you. So, you realize that you will never be able to do everything you wanted for this person. You are angry. Be angry at the doctors, perhaps at the person who is to blame for your loss, at yourself, at the whole world. You are angry that you were not given at least another minute to say the most important words to your loved one. To thank you for everything.
3. Depression and bargaining.
It is simply impossible not to feel a hole inside after a loss. And for some period, the loss of a loved one becomes an emptiness that consumes you. You can't eat normally. You don't want to go outside because it seems like every person passing by reminds you of the deceased, as if you could call out to them right now and everything would be fine again. And all this time it was just a dream. Too terrible. Red eyes from lack of sleep and periodic tantrums have become an integral part of your appearance. Thoughts that start with “If only I...” are constantly running through your head. You bargain with yourself, with fate, living in the subjunctive mood.
4. Acceptance.
In the end, you realize that this is not a joke or a prank, and that a loved one is really gone. The pain hasn't gone away. So are daily obligations. Therefore, you need to pull yourself together and continue to live. At least try. Remember that this person helped you become who you are today. You have to do the right thing to make him proud of you. So that those that a loved one may have taught you do not pass without a trace.
The loss of a loved one is the collapse of one small world. However, everyone heals sooner or later. But when you're just at the bottom of your grief, it's too hard to believe. There are several ways to go through this:
1) Give free rein to your feelings.
Keeping everything to yourself is never the right decision. If you do not release this pain, then over time it will roll into a huge ball and simply crush you. It will press you straight to the asphalt and it will be too difficult to get up. So if you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream, go to a place where you can scream to your heart's content. It helps.
2) Speak.
3) Things to do.
The loss of a loved one, shock, grief - all this throws you out of your usual rut. But it is very important not to neglect your daily activities. Going to work, cleaning the house, and even just doing something will distract you from sad thoughts. This will make it easier. This way you will begin to get back on track, and time will heal and take away your pain.
Each of us has lost something in our lives: a valuable thing, necessary information, and even our own conscience. This creates a feeling of discomfort and a feeling of outright annoyance from the fact that happened. When it comes to personal losses, then in this case it is worth talking about the following reasons for grief that comes to a person:
- Disappointment in loved ones. It is possible to forgive a person dear to you only if he realizes the full gravity of the act he has committed. In the case of complete reluctance to self-analysis on the part of the guilty person, there can be no talk of reconciliation. Mutual accusations will constantly grow, like a snowball, which over time will make close people strangers to each other for quite a long period of time. The worst option in this situation is separation forever.
- Betrayal of a loved one. It is still possible to forgive disappointment over time by starting active work on resuming previous relationships. In the event of betrayal by a previously close person, the situation will be much worse. An awkwardly spoken word will not cause big troubles and will not cause a public outcry regarding the immoral behavior of the loser. However, it is very difficult not to notice an obvious betrayal when the information voiced by ill-wishers becomes disgustingly tangible for consumers.
- Cheating on your significant other. In this case, it is worth noting the fact that even people who sincerely love each other are often unable to pass such a test with a positive result for all the characters concerned. Not every person will tolerate physical betrayal from the subject who has sunk into his soul. Consequently, trust in the cheater is undermined, leading to the end of the existing relationship.
- Slander and slander. Very often we become led people when they whisper sweetly in our ears. Overly emotional people are ready to believe anyone if at the same time (as it seems to them) their honor and dignity are affected. For particularly suspicious individuals, the imagination will immediately present a picture of a loved one’s betrayal in the most bleak, but eloquent colors. As a result, due to your own frivolity, you can lose a loved one just because of idle speculation.
- Divorce. Not only treason and slander can destroy stable family relationships. Divorce is the final resort of any marriage in which people could not come to a common decision. In such a couple there may even be love and several charming children, but stubborn people rarely listen to anyone other than themselves and their ambitions.
- Death of a loved one. In this case, it’s worth talking about a real human tragedy, when the whole world fades before your eyes. We can always forgive the living whenever we want, but we can never bring back the dead. Death is the end of all illusions and dreams, because after it there is only one landmark in the form of the word “non-existence”.
- Lack of information. In this case, the film “Gone Girl” with the famous actress Sarah Bullock comes to mind. At the same time, we are talking about a real human drama, when you lose someone close to you under the most mysterious circumstances. Confusion can ruin the lives of even very strong-willed people.
Important! For all the reasons stated, you should take a closer look at the behavior of your loved one, who may subsequently commit rather inappropriate actions. At best, he will become dangerous to himself, and at worst, to other innocent people.
The main signs of a person after the loss of a loved one
Very often it is important to help people who are beginning to plunge into a psychological vacuum. The loss of loved ones and loved ones is a test that not everyone is able to cope with.
Such individuals need the support of others, and they can be identified by the following characteristics:
- Closedness and emotional stress. Having lost a loved one, people in most cases withdraw into themselves, thus protecting their psyche. This condition is very striking, especially when previously the problematic individual was a joker and the life of the party. The famous actor Keanu Reeves, who brilliantly played in the cult film “The Matrix,” leads the life of a hermit. In his case, one can observe a classic example of the presence of evil fate in a person’s fate. Having lost an unborn child and then his beloved woman, the actor closed in on himself. Living more than modestly with fantastic fees, he invests fabulous sums in cancer rehabilitation centers. In Russian show business, Dmitry Shepelev has a similar situation. After the loss of Zhanna Friske, he steadfastly endured attacks from the press and his beloved’s relatives for a very long time, but did not contact anyone. And only a year later he found a way out of his pain - he wrote a book about their joint struggle with the disease, feelings and experiences.
- Laughter through tears. Everyone reacts to a stressful situation in their own way, so hysterical behavior after the loss of a loved one is not surprising. When you are betrayed by those closest to you, it always unsettles you. In an attempt to appear strong, the broken-hearted individual tries to put on an air of equanimity. He tries to joke, which looks very unnatural and contrived.
- Changing your usual lifestyle. The loss of a loved one is definitely the introduction of an element of disharmony into the usual life of the grieving person. In this case, the reason for the departure of a dear person is not important, because the final point has been set at a certain segment of the life path. Consequently, a morally traumatized person may feel aversion to what previously brought him joy.
- Strange visions and comparisons. When a loved one dies, some people begin to see things that others cannot see. In the crowd of ordinary people, sufferers are ready to see the silhouette of the deceased and even smell his favorite perfume. All this seems crazy to those who have not experienced the bitterness of loss in their lives.
- Constant feeling of guilt. Even in everyday conversation, you can identify a subject who has experienced the loss and death of a person. As a rule, such people torment themselves with groundless accusations of insufficient love in the past for the individual who left this world. For them, self-flagellation becomes the meaning of life, because it is easier to survive the acute pain of losing a loved one.
- Aggressive behavior. It's no secret that many people drown their pain from the loss of a loved one in alcohol. For some sufferers, one scheme they know also works: you are alive and happy - he (she) left (left) me - unfairly, painfully. With this approach to the current life situation, a person simply begins to behave aggressively towards other people.
- Absent-mindedness and awkward actions. A person who has experienced stress begins to re-adapt to his usual rhythm of life. All his actions become chaotic, which leads to the idea of existing panic in the worldview of the grieving person. In this case, we will not recognize the former smart girl who solved any problem with half a snap of her fingers.
- Exaltation. As children, we all believed in miracles, because human nature always reaches out to something bright and fabulous. After the loss of a loved one, some people begin to attach great importance to things they were previously skeptical about. At this time, the grieving person can become easy prey for all sorts of sects and pseudo-Christian organizations.
- Prolonged state of shock. This phenomenon is the most severe consequence of the tragedy among the above signs of the sufferer. In such a case, a person cannot switch to any other life factors, completely dissolving in grief. Friendly conversation and support in this situation will not help, because the mechanism of self-destruction of the victim’s personality is turned on and actively operating.
Note! A person in grief after the loss of a loved one is a time bomb that can explode at any moment. Psychologists strongly recommend taking a closer look at such people in your environment until they can harm themselves or others.
Ways to eliminate depression after the loss of a loved one
Such a problem must be dealt with unambiguously, because its consequences can be the most unpredictable. A person who respects himself and clearly sees his successful future must make every effort to break out of the created vicious circle.
Taking independent steps after the loss of a loved one
Help with the loss of a loved one on your own is as follows:
- Self-discipline. In this case, the thought arises that it is easier said than done. However, a person is designed in such a way that he can completely control his emotions. Hiding behind the peculiarities of one’s temperament is outright weakness, because only mental illnesses justify an individual falling into prolonged hysteria. I need to tell myself clearly and firmly: time heals, and I’m not the first to experience this.
- Self-hypnosis. At the same time, I immediately remember the excellent expression that if a bride leaves for someone else, then it is not known who was lucky. This laconic conclusion contains a great philosophical meaning. If the loss of a loved one is directly related to betrayal on his part, then there is no point in regretting the loss. The world is full of open and honest people who can brighten up the loneliness of even the most desperate sufferer.
- Isolation from society. Some skeptics will begin to be indignant at the voiced recommendation, considering the best solution to the problem to be among a large number of people. All this is great only in the second phase of an individual being in a stressful state after the loss of a loved one. At the very beginning and peak of the problem, he has a strong desire to hide from the whole world, which should be respected. After a certain period of time, the grieving person will make contact with those close to him when he is simply ready for it.
Experts in the field of healing human souls have clearly defined for themselves a system for combating the problem voiced:
- Wedge by wedge method. In case of treason and betrayal, this method can work in very two ways. A victim of deception is able to find a new relationship, but at the same time there is a high risk of starting new problems with previous love battles that have not yet ended.
- Planning your own life. A bright future is a well-programmed past. No one recommends repeating past mistakes, because such actions are unproductive. You should take only the best from the experience of the past years and focus on this factor.
- Constant appeal to facts. Very often we hear that helping with the loss of a loved one does not tolerate unnecessary memories. Of course, it’s not worth tormenting past wounds, but a healthy analysis in this case will not hurt. If you talk about a problem for a long time and fruitfully, then not a trace will remain of it over time. Correction: if the situation is managed by a sane person, and not by a theorist with the wild imagination of a schizophrenic.
- Request for help. This option of supporting the desperate may seem strange to people with a critical mindset. However, it is a plea for help that can lift the sufferer out of a state of persistent depression. The human soul, which is free from the burden of commercialism, is very often no stranger to the mental pain of others. We are all people and we are all human, as the famous quote says. Asking from others is not shameful, because we will all someday be overtaken by grief in the form of the loss of a loved one.
Very often, experts give practical advice on how to cope with the loss of a loved one. At the same time, it is worth remembering the factor that each of us is always able to fight back against an unexpected blow of fate. Gentleness of character is an excuse for people who initially prefer to give up when they lose loved ones. You need to clearly decide for yourself how to continue to live without an object that is significant to you. Otherwise, the scheme for obtaining a fateful one-way ticket will be launched irrevocably.
Loss loved one can fill our lives with sadness, melancholy and depression. Each of us, sooner or later, is forced to experience loss, and this is accompanied by unbearable pain. It is not always about the death of a loved one. also a kind of loss.
Loss loved one and its 5 stages
Loss of a loved one, this difficult and painful event can force us to go through several stages.
1. Denial
At this moment we are unable to believe in the reality of what is happening. It seems to us that this nightmare will sooner or later end with a happy awakening. We want to wake up and realize that nothing terrible happened.
Thus, the main thing at the first stage of loss is denial of what happened and a feeling of the unreality of what is happening.
2. Search for the “culprit”
The second stage of loss makes us feel guilty. Either we are looking for circumstances or people to whom we can shift responsibility for what happened.
If a person fails to overcome this stage, he may live with this heavy burden for years. This is about hatred, remorse, guilt. This can greatly undermine his health. Overcoming this stage allows you to heal and leave the pain in the past.
3. Depression
This stage is accompanied by strong and vivid emotions. It is at this moment that we realize the full significance of the loss we have experienced.
Tears, loneliness, insomnia, eating disorders - all these are pronounced signs of depression.
4. Anger
After this, there comes a moment when we realize that we cannot fix anything. We are filled with a feeling of complete powerlessness. We realize that we are not in our control. We understand that it is impossible to return a lost relationship.
This makes us angry, mixed with despair. It happens that we throw out these emotions on other people. And they, unfortunately, suffer without having anything to do with our grief.
5. Acceptance
Finally, the time comes to begin the last stage of loss - accepting what happened.
The sooner we achieve this, the better for our health and well-being. At this moment we accept reality and realize our loss, adapting to new circumstances. Our old emotional wounds are healing.
This process takes longer for some people than others.
How to overcome loss: key points
As a rule, the most painful loss for a person is the death of loved ones and separation from loved ones. By loss we mean the loss of someone we love dearly and who is very important to us.
Starting life again does not mean that this person has ceased to be important and loved to us. This is our duty. Life goes on. Therefore, we need to find the strength within ourselves to rise from our knees.. Not so much for the sake of others, but for the sake of ourselves.
Otherwise, the loss of a loved one can turn into a dangerous pathology, from which it will become even more difficult to get rid of.
Intense grief, apathy and passivity, suicidal thoughts and excessive emotions- all this requires the attention of a psychotherapy specialist.
If you have experienced the loss of a loved one, consider the following recommendations.
1. Cry as much as you need to.
Yes, even in childhood, many of us were convinced that tears are for weaklings. However, crying actually helps cope with intense sadness., as it promotes emotional release, bringing relief. It can be argued that tears are beneficial for our physical, spiritual and emotional health.
This does not mean that crying should be endless. But one cannot argue with the fact that tears allow us to cleanse our soul “from the inside.” It is very important to allow yourself to feel the pain that is tormenting you. Don't be ashamed of those moments when your eyes fill with tears. Remember that crying can help you.
2. You need time and space.
The pain of losing a loved one can accompany us for several days, weeks, months and even years. This depends on a number of different factors. In particular, from the individual characteristics of our personality. This is also influenced by the nature of the relationship with the person who is no longer there. Finally, what matters is how we respond to problems that arise and what we do to overcome them.
It is worth remembering that under no circumstances should you be too demanding of yourself. Your goal is to fully overcome the loss, not to do it quickly. Don't put pressure on yourself, because you are not participating in a marathon and are not going to set records.
3. Seek support
If you have had to go through a breakup with your partner, try to find a friendly shoulder that will allow you to cry and unwind. Reach out to your friend, brother, or parents.
The most important thing is to find someone who can listen to you and give good advice. A person who will always be there for you when you want to cry.
You can sign up for a psychotherapy session or join a support group. Maybe, you will be surprised by the number of people who are in the same situation. Sometimes we find it easier to talk about our emotions with complete strangers than with loved ones whom we see every day or have known for too long.
4. Express your emotions
As we said above, Bereaved people need support. They need a person or people who make them feel loved and secure.
But there is another important point that should not be forgotten. It is that in such a situation it is very important to talk about what is happening to you. At the same time, it is not at all necessary that someone listen to you: you can simply speak out in front of the mirror or describe your emotions in a diary.
Popular wisdom says that shared grief is half the trouble. By expressing our emotions, we get rid of the heavy burden of loss. As a result, it becomes easier for us to think about the future and plan our next steps..
There is no need to remain silent, and this can do a disservice.
5. Take care of yourself
Unfortunately, quite often people whose lives have been complicated by the loss of a loved one lose interest in their usual activities. This also affects taking care of your health. However, every person needs water, healthy food and cleanliness.
If you do not pay attention to this, your mental peace will never recover from the grief you experienced. Firstly, you need to take care of your physical health - your body.
Take a shower, comb your hair, change clothes, apply light makeup. Get out of the house, breathe fresh air, eat healthy food, prepare yourself soups and herbal infusions. All this will allow you to survive the loss with fewer losses.
Finally, we encourage you to do everything you can to move on with your life. Even if it is very difficult for you now and it seems that life has lost its meaning, and there is emptiness inside you, live. Gradually, you will begin to notice how old wounds begin to heal.
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