How to remove negative emotions from family life? How to get rid of feelings of resentment? Meditation as the main way to gain control over feelings and emotions.

Sometimes something goes wrong in life, a lot of negative emotions arise: anger, irritation, resentment... This method will help restore peace of mind and improve interpersonal relationships!

How to remove feelings of resentment and other negative emotions?

There are many esoteric, psychological, energy techniques¹ for working through negative emotions or the consequences of any trauma from past relationships, but most of them have one big drawback - the difficulty of execution.

In this article you will find a fairly simple, and most importantly, very effective way to get rid of grievances² and unwanted emotions.

An effective technique for getting rid of grievances

1. The person performing the technique sits on a chair. Your back must be straight, your feet touch the floor, your hands are on your knees, palms up. To adjust, you can take 3 inhalations through your nose and 3 exhalations through your mouth.

2. The practitioner then releases all tension and relaxes from the crown to the tips of the toes.

3. When a state of relaxation is achieved, the practitioner begins to “take root,” that is, imagines how the energy body extends through the legs and stretches down to the very center of the earth.

4. At the same time, the practitioner imagines a stream of bright light pouring from above from space.

5. Gradually, the practitioner feels how his soul (subtle body) is separated from the physical and rises higher and higher. The practitioner “sees” his room, his house, the roof, the city, the planet.

6. Then he finds himself in some other dimension - the practitioner begins to feel differently, sees an unusual light or color.

7. In this dimension, the practitioner imagines that a rope is wrapped around his waist, its end goes to the side, and a person is tied to it.

8. Peering at him, the practitioner notices that this person causes resentment, annoyance or other negative feelings.

9. Then the practitioner sees or feels that many such ropes are moving away from him, and attached to each is a person with whom unpleasant emotions are associated. These ropes pull in different directions, literally drawing out all the strength.

10. The moment the practitioner realizes this, he needs to look carefully at these people - who are they? Perhaps their faces will be blurred - that's okay.

11. Next, the practitioner needs to free himself from these energy connections; to do this, he picks up imaginary scissors and cuts all the ropes. To make the process easier, you can ask your angel or Higher Powers for help.

12. When cutting each rope, the practitioner should look at the person with whom he is connected and mentally say: “With gratitude and love, I forgive and let go.” This needs to be said to everyone with whom you exist!

13. After all the ropes have been cut, the practitioner thanks his assistants and returns to his body.

If the technique is carried out correctly, then after its completion there will be a feeling of inner lightness and liberation. Grievances, even those you don’t remember, will go away.

This technique does not require any special magical skills; your sincere desire to forgive and let go of resentment forever is enough.

Pelenchuk Inna

Notes and feature articles for deeper understanding of the material

¹ You will find some methods of energy cleansing in the article:

² Resentment is a person’s reaction to what is perceived as unfairly caused grief, insult, as well as the negatively colored emotions caused by this (

Hello friends!

The new year has just recently arrived and it should be started with a clean slate, and everything bad should be left in the previous year. Therefore, in today’s article I decided to talk about how to get rid of negative thoughts and emotions, and also set aside a week for myself to clear my head of everything unnecessary and negative. Of course, you need to clear your head of negative thoughts and emotions not only at the beginning of the year, but at least 2–3 times a year. Ideally, it is better not to have negative thoughts at all, but this does not always work out.

Why is such cleansing necessary at all?

1. Negativity is dirt on our soul. Just imagine, we wash our body every day, and what would happen to it, if we didn’t wash it for years, what would it turn into? It's the same with the soul. Therefore, it is not surprising that people who do not monitor the purity of their souls become angry, irritated, touchy, and so on.

2. Negative emotions and thoughts attract unwanted events into our lives and interfere with the fulfillment of our desires, therefore, with negative thinking it is very difficult to reach a higher quality level of life.

3. Negativity has a bad effect on our health and beauty. Scientists have proven that every thought can be measured, and each of them has its own characteristics, and negative thoughts can even cause illness.

4. This cleansing gives you a feeling of lightness. I stick to the positive, but after this cleansing I feel lightness, joy and love for everything around me. That’s why I do this cleansing periodically.

How should you cleanse yourself?

Firstly, I use the so-called forgiveness meditation. They are different. I learned about one of them from the book of Alexander Sviyash. To complete it, you need to write a list of people with whom you may be offended, their actions that you condemn, i.e. you have some negative emotions and thoughts towards this person. Then you choose one person from this list and mentally begin to ask him for forgiveness, repeating the following words to yourself:

With love and gratitude, I apologize to Petya, for example, for negative emotions and thoughts towards him. I accept him as he is. With love and gratitude, Petya forgives me.

You need to say words of forgiveness regarding one person to yourself for half an hour or an hour, until you internally feel that you no longer experience negative emotions towards this person, you are not hurt by his actions, and in principle you don’t care what he does, what speaks.

After you have done the meditation with one person, you select another person from your list and do the same. The important thing here is that forgiveness meditation must be carried out with each person individually; unfortunately, it will not be possible to forgive everyone at once. Therefore, no need to be lazy, write a list and do forgiveness meditation with each person on this list. It is especially useful to perform forgiveness meditation in relation to a person who, for example, betrayed you, did not live up to your hopes, or you broke up with your loved one. This will allow you to forgive this person, accept him for who he is, and thereby free yourself from negative thoughts and emotions.

Forgiveness meditation should also be done towards yourself, especially if you tend to judge yourself for some wrong actions. Self-forgiveness meditation is done in the same way, you mentally repeat the following words:

With love and gratitude, I apologize to myself for my negative emotions and thoughts towards myself. And I accept myself as I am. With love and gratitude I forgive myself.

With love and gratitude, I apologize to life for my negative emotions and thoughts towards it and accept it as it is. With love and gratitude, life forgives me.

After performing the forgiveness meditation, you will feel peace of mind and lightness. Forgiveness always releases negative emotions and thoughts and is often used in psychology.

I can also suggest a second forgiveness meditation, which I learned about from Joe Vitale’s book “Life Without Limits.” To do this, you need to repeat words such as:

“I’m so sorry,” “Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” “I love you.”

Whatever forgiveness meditation you choose and no matter how you clear your head of negativity, always remember:

The world is fair and there is no one to blame.
Love is the basis of life.
A person himself is responsible for everything that happens to him.
No one owes nothing to nobody.
The world is abundant.
Everything we achieve and everything we fail to achieve is the result of our thoughts.

My practice

Personally, I set aside seven days for myself to practice forgiveness meditation. I also plan to do yoga every day during these seven days. For this purpose, I brought with me a disk with kundalini yoga. In general, I decided to arrange a so-called reboot for myself during this week. I will limit myself on the Internet, going only once a day to check my email. The rest of the time I will rest, play sports, try to eat live food, fruits, vegetables, nuts as much as possible, I will get up at 6 or 7 o’clock in the morning and go to bed no later than 10 o’clock in the evening. In general, I want to have a good rest, gain strength, and, of course, at this time I will practice forgiveness meditation.

Our emotions often behave as separate entities from us, presenting strange surprises. For example, a loved one says something pleasant, but at that moment we feel indifference, although, it would seem, we should be experiencing joy. It’s not always possible to simply “wait out” negative feelings like a hurricane - they still find us and make us regret what we said or did. The good news: everyone can cope with negative emotions - you just need to start treating them a little differently.

Where do negative emotions come from?

Any negative emotions arise when our expectations collide with reality. The obstacles we encounter in the outside world can be divided into three types:

Circumstances beyond your control create fear, anger and sadness

Example: you are standing in a traffic jam when suddenly a giant icicle/tree/handsome stranger (underline as appropriate) falls onto the windshield with a crash, scaring you half to death. Returning home, you discover that the bathroom has been taken over by ants, the kitchen by cockroaches, and the living room by aliens.

Metamorphoses of one’s own body give rise to shame and guilt

Example: an hour later there’s a date, and you can’t fit into your favorite black rag boldly called “cocktail dress,” the bruises under your eyes rival the color of a panda, and strange spots have appeared on your skin after a beauty procedure on the advice of a “good friend.”

The desires of others give rise to anger, guilt and irritation

Example: just at the moment when you are in the mood to calmly sunbathe by the pool, lazily sipping a mojito, the children demand to jump into the water with a “bomb”, the husband dreams of a heel massage, and the boss hangs up the phone with another urgent task.

What to do with negative emotions?

In his lectures on negative emotions, specialist in the field of interpersonal relations Ruslan Narushevich notes that one of the most common and wrong ways to resolve internal conflict is to suppress surging feelings. Often, when faced with obstacles, we begin to deny ourselves our most natural emotional needs: we think that we are too picky or touchy, we constantly cling to little things. This attitude towards yourself only complicates the situation - rationalization will not actually make your emotion go away. You've already experienced it! Your expectation no longer coincides with reality. And if you accuse yourself of being picky and petty, the negative feelings will only intensify. So what to do?

#1. Awareness

Take the role of an outside observer. The point of the exercise is to mentally name the emotion you are experiencing, instead of diving into it headlong. If you learn to recognize your emotions before they overwhelm your consciousness, you will have a chance to listen to the voice of reason and not give in to it. Perhaps next time, instead of wishing a painful death on the security guard who did not let you into the parking lot, you will be able to mentally take a step to the side and realize that the situation is not worth your nerves at all. Also, the question “how am I feeling right now?” helps you notice the unpleasant little things that secretly poison your existence: cold, an uncomfortable position, a boring movie... These kinds of details can usually be eliminated very simply: close the window, sit more comfortably, turn off the TV. You just need to be able to notice it and realize it!

Andy Puddicombe, a former Buddhist monk and the creator of the world-famous meditation app Headspace, compares thoughts to cars driving in heavy traffic. Instead of standing on the side of the road and watching the traffic, we often rush after one car or another, ultimately not moving anywhere. Fussy running around takes up time and energy, when you can simply step aside and calmly figure out where and why to go.

This is also true for our emotions: we can be so carried away by our own feelings of guilt for eating chocolate, unwillingness to go to the gym and resentment towards our late husband, that we simply will not be able to get out of the vicious circle of the same experiences. In this case, meditation, even if very short and spontaneous, is a great way to develop the habit of being aware of your emotional state so that you never experience anything like it again.
Can't or don't know how to meditate? Get a dedicated emotion tracking app that regularly checks your mood (Stop, Breathe & Think, How Are You, Moodnotes, MoodTools, etc.) Most will likely suggest trying simple breathing exercises, short meditation tracks and tips about how to calm down as quickly as possible.
Another way to monitor your mood is Morning Pages. Author Julia Cameron describes this practice in detail in her book The Artist's Way. Every morning you should start with three pages of text, and you need to write by hand everything that comes to mind, without filtering your thoughts at all. In this way, you unload your mind from worries and let go of many obsessive ideas.

#2. Adoption

The second step is to develop a positive attitude towards negative feelings. Even from difficult experiences you can benefit! Any emotions we experience are a signal to action: fear, guilt, irritation, anger - these are messages from our subconscious that help us better understand ourselves. If you regularly listen to your own feelings, you can discover many patterns in yourself that work without our knowledge. For example, you may notice that you are often suspicious when you interact with men: your basic program is not to trust them. If you notice this and assume that men are, in principle, not bad guys, then perhaps gradually you will learn to simply accept attention and love without suspecting malicious intent, and you will begin to experience joy more often. Treat negative emotions as sources of information about yourself!

#3. Expression

Expressing negative emotions is the most difficult and important step on which your relationships with other people depend. Therefore, it is important to remember a few simple rules:

Don’t take it out on others before you realize what’s happening to you. If you do decide to make a complaint to someone, give yourself time to calm down a little and choose your words carefully. That is, not “you ruined my whole life!”, but “darling, I would be so pleased if you cleaned up after our cat today!”
Do not share negative emotions with those for whom you are responsible, first of all - with children and subordinates. They expect to feel safe nearby. You need to share accumulated fatigue and sadness with equals or with “elders” - friends, loved ones, parents. Children don’t need to know how much you hate the “crooked-handed d”s who laid these tiles in the yard, just as you could probably do without your husband’s complaints that again no one listened to him at work, but “he spoke” .
Separate emotions from problems and talk about one thing: about problems - without emotions, and about emotions - without connection with specific problems.
Allow yourself to experience irrational emotions, but try to monitor them and openly talk about their irrationality. If you feel that today you are in a bad mood and you will find fault with everyone, then announce to others: “Today I am angry. Don’t take my words to heart!”
Don't put off showing your emotions. If something bothers you, give yourself time to calm down, but talk about it as soon as possible: “I’m not pleased that you just compared me to your ex. Better not do that." Accumulated claims will take much more nerves and energy.

#4. Ambulance

If you still understand that emotions are stronger than you, and you feel very bad, try to reduce the emotional intensity:

Breathe deeply. During times of stress, breathing often becomes difficult - close your eyes, concentrate and try to inhale and exhale as slowly as possible.
Take a cool shower, directing the water stream to the back of your head or the bridge of your nose. Or apply something cold to your temples.
Go for a run or a walk. The more movement in the body and the more active the brain receives oxygen, the easier it will be to calm down and reconsider your views.
Change the position of your body in space. Sometimes even a simple change of position or getting out of immobility helps to interrupt a protracted negative state and shake yourself up.
Cry! Physically releasing emotions helps clear the mind. Having come to your senses, you will be able to soberly assess the state of things and decide what to do next with the experience that you experienced.
Take more responsibility for your own well-being: if you once and for all accept the idea that everything around you is mobile and changeable, and in the end only you yourself are responsible for happiness, life will become easier and more enjoyable!

Text: Maria Malenkova.

There are situations when it is imperative to reduce emotional pain, for example, if it is too severe. In addition, emotional pain can lead to dangerous situations for the person experiencing strong emotions (for example, they may harm themselves or take a dangerous drug). It may strike a person at inopportune times (for example, at work, school, or another place where you don't feel safe), or in a situation where the person feels uncomfortable expressing their emotions honestly (for example, if they are in a company of people to whom he does not want to reveal his feelings). If you want to learn how to control your emotions, this article is for you. After reading it, you will learn how to control your emotions while taking into account your needs and desires. In addition, this article describes psychological techniques that, by practicing, you can learn to control your emotions and, if necessary, turn them off.

Steps

Control your feelings

Try to find the reason for the strong emotional reaction. If you want to learn how to turn off emotions, try to understand what is the reason for the emotional outburst at one time or another. This may be due to the following reasons:

you are a very sensitive person;
the situation reminded you of painful events that happened in the past;
you feel like you are losing control of the situation, which can cause anger and irritation to appear.

There is a difference between healthy emotional detachment and the painful form of it. From time to time, we all experience situations when we want to turn off our emotions, especially if they are associated with pain or seem insurmountable to us at the moment. However, extreme emotional detachment from others is associated with psychopathy, in which a person commits a crime without feeling remorse. In addition, such behavior may also indicate that the person is experiencing severe trauma.
- If you sometimes want to turn off strong emotions, there is nothing wrong with that. We are not always able to cope with our emotions. However, make sure that your condition does not become chronic. If you isolate yourself from others or become an unemotional person, you will develop more serious psychological problems.
- Some signs that may indicate that a person needs treatment are: social isolation, refusal to attend social events, intense fear of rejection, depressed mood or anxiety, difficulty performing and completing assigned tasks (school or work responsibilities), and frequent social conflicts or fights with other people.
Accept your emotional state. Paradoxically, by accepting and acknowledging our emotions, we are able to quickly take control of them when we need it. Often we want to become unemotional people because we find it difficult to experience emotions. However, these emotions give us valuable information about the situation we are in and our perception of that situation. Like physical pain, negative feelings and emotions (fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, stress) indicate that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

Express your feelings in a safe place. In case your emotions become overwhelming, set aside a cozy, safe space where you can accept your emotions and take control of them. Make it a rule to analyze your emotions at the same time every day.
- Cry when you're alone. Tears in front of the person who is insulting you will provoke him to mock you or offend you further. Taking deep breaths and thinking about something unrelated to the situation will help you avoid focusing on the hurtful words. It is unlikely that you will want to cry after this. This way you will suppress the resentment within yourself. However, this is not very good. By holding negative emotions within ourselves, we harm our body. Try your best to hold back your emotions until the situation is over so that the person who caused your strong emotions leaves the room. Now you can give free rein to your tears.
Write down your feelings and thoughts. As we mentioned above, you cannot hold back your tears. The same principle can be applied to anger, embarrassment and other negative emotions - you should not suppress these feelings in yourself. Try to express your feelings and thoughts on paper. This will help you process and process difficult emotions, so you can step back from them when needed. You can also use the electronic device you use to express your feelings.
- Put your feelings into words and write them down in your secret journal.
- To avoid dwelling on negative thoughts, try to look at the current situation differently. For example, you think about someone: “This person is such a nonentity!” In this situation, try to look at the situation from the other side. Tell yourself, “This person probably has a difficult life and this is how they deal with anger and sadness.” Empathy can help you cope with sadness and irritation. Show empathy and you will find it easier to deal with difficult people and situations.
Try to distract yourself. Think about something else. Don't try to simply ignore a feeling or situation. If a person tries not to think about something, they end up thinking about it even more. The harder he tries to suppress the thought, the more confidently it comes back as a ricochet. In one study, participants were asked to think about anything but polar bears. And what do you think they were thinking about all the time? About polar bears, of course. Instead of trying your best not to think about what makes you feel negative, try just thinking about something else.

Get physically active. Take a walk, ride a bike, or do any other vigorous activity that promotes good cardiovascular function. Aerobic exercise increases the level of endorphins in the blood. This will help you control and change your reaction to people who provoke you to negative emotions. Physical exercise or grounding techniques can help you gain control of your emotions.
- Consider the following activities: hiking, rowing, kayaking, gardening, cleaning, jumping rope, dancing, kickboxing, yoga, Pilates, Zumba, push-ups, squats, running and walking.

Focus on yourself

Engage in self-reflection. One way to take control of your emotions is to look at yourself from the outside. Try to look at yourself through someone else's eyes and see yourself from the outside.
- When you are alone, analyze your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Ask yourself: “What am I thinking about today? What emotions do I feel?
- Also observe how you behave in society. Pay attention to what you say, how you act, and how you express emotions.
Assert yourself. Self-affirmation is an important step if you want to learn to turn off your emotions. Self-affirmation allows you to confirm to yourself that your actions and emotions are reasonable.
- Talk to yourself in a positive way. Tell yourself: “There is nothing wrong with my feelings. Even if I don’t want to show my feelings to others, I have the right to feel them.”
Set emotional boundaries. Thanks to this, you will think about your needs first. Decide for yourself what will be the extreme point that you can no longer tolerate others causing you emotional pain. If possible, stop all communication with people who irritate or upset you, such as co-workers or neighbors.
- Try to set boundaries by directly telling the person how you are feeling at the moment and what you expect from them. For example, if your brother teases you, tell him, “I get really irritated when you tease me. I will be grateful to you if you stop doing this.” In addition, you can mention the consequences that may occur if a person crosses the line you set: “If you don’t stop behaving like this, I will not communicate with you.” This is an example of a situation where you were able to express your irritation without losing control of your emotions.

Use techniques to help you turn off your emotions

Use your wise mind. According to dialectical behavior therapy, all individuals have two minds - two different thinking abilities: rational, which comes from the mind, and emotional. Our wise mind is a combination of emotional and rational thinking. If you are trying to distance yourself from emotional pain, use your wise mind to find the perfect balance between the rational and emotional parts of your brain. Instead of reacting only emotionally, try to think rationally and objectively assess the situation.
- Acknowledge your feelings, tell yourself: “Emotions are quite natural for humans. Over time, all emotions pass, even the strongest ones. I will be able to understand why I reacted the way I did when I calm down.”
- Ask yourself: “Will this be important to me in a year, 5 years, 10 years? How much impact can this person or situation have on my life?”
Learn grounding techniques. Thanks to such techniques, you will be able to distance yourself from your emotional pain and turn off your emotions.
- Try the following exercises: count silently to 100, count sheep, count the number of objects in a room, list all the cities in the Central Federal District of Russia or the names of all kinds of flowers. Use anything logical or unemotional that can distract you from the situation.
Make it a habit. Eventually, your mind will learn to remove unpleasant memories and you will naturally begin to think logically and unemotionally in any unpleasant situations. Practice will help you achieve your goal faster. You will be able to turn off your emotions when necessary.

Anger, irritation, anger, shame, sadness and rage - the list of emotions that greatly complicate our lives is quite long. However, negativity can be dealt with using simple methods. How to do this, says Maria Heinz, author of the book “Positive Time Management. How to have time to be happy»

There are internal and external sources of negative emotions. External ones are crime chronicles, negative news, people filled with anger and hatred. How to deal with such sources of negative emotions? Put a barrier at the entrance to them: do not turn on negative programs, read news in printed form (they have less emotional impact), limit communication with people who pour out negativity if possible. If these emotions nevertheless penetrate into life, they can be neutralized. In the perception of negative events, internal assessment plays a large role, and it strongly depends on the physical state. If you feel increasing dissatisfaction and irritation, turn to your body and try to determine what it is missing - perhaps. If it’s just a matter of emotions, then the following methods will help.

The easiest way

The easiest way to deal with negative emotions is to deprive them of the energy they receive from your thoughts and attention. If you manage to switch to something else, the emotions will quickly fade away. For example, if some device does not work, everything inside us begins to boil. At this moment, you need to transfer your attention to something else, the easiest way is to breathe. It is always with us, and it is easy to concentrate on it. Some people find it easier to count to ten - this works great at the beginning of the boil. If the cause of negative emotions is deeply hidden, other methods will help.

From the position of a victim to the position of a student

If troubles come into life, we sometimes ask ourselves: “Why?”, “Why do I need this?” This way of asking the question reflects the position of the victim, creates a negative attitude and takes away our strength. Self-pity and hatred of others fill the mind, which switches from solving a problem to expressing emotions. Thoughts are unproductive and spin in circles. You can break this circle by switching from the position of a victim to the position of a student. Ask yourself these questions: What is this teaching me? What should I learn to solve the problem? In this case, we direct our energy to solving the problem, and not to generating negative emotions.

The origins of this method are in Eastern philosophy. It is suitable in many situations. In case of loss of loved ones or other sad events, you need to give yourself time. In any case, mourning a loss is a normal way for anyone to emotionally cope with grief. If your own resources are not enough to come to your senses and adapt to the new situation, it is better to consult a psychologist.

"I'm always right, even if I'm wrong"

Every person wants to be right. This is fine. We need to understand that this is the norm not only in relation to ourselves, but also in relation to other people. There is no need to take away their right to express their own opinions. In everyday life, the desire to be right leads to many negative situations and emotions, especially in the relationships of spouses, parents and children.

There are many paths to the goal. If we have found one way, this does not mean that another person will not find theirs. The main thing in this case is a flexible internal attitude: “I know how I would do it, but another person can do it differently.”

One mistake rule

For daily negative situations, the one mistake rule is suitable. Allow yourself and other loved ones to make one mistake a day. One mistake is not so much, everyone has the right to it. This rule will help you be less critical of yourself and other people. If you dropped or forgot something, say: “I have the right to make a mistake.” For children, the number of errors should correspond to their age (the younger, the more).

When I play a board game with my children (ages three and five) that has a lot of small pieces, the pieces periodically fly under the table. Previously, after some time, I began to ask the children to be more careful, but they still dropped parts. In order not to experience unnecessary negative emotions, I decided to count how many times during half an hour of play they would drop something. It turned out - 27 times. That is, this is the normal average number of “errors” for my children. I allowed them to make mistakes 30 times in half an hour of play. Since then, every time they start dropping parts of the game, I just count. I have never reached thirty yet, nor have I ever reached negative emotions.

Is it really that important?

Another simple way to deal with negative feelings is to emotionally distance yourself from what is happening.

For example, you were late for the bus and now you don’t have time for work. Try to look at this situation as if a week has passed. In seven days you won't even remember what happened today! If you take a year or five years, those things that seem so important now will not be so significant at all. Sometimes it is enough to watch an energizing film, talk to a person, read an excerpt from a book in order to emotionally distance yourself from what is happening and “reboot”.

Delegating tasks that cause negative emotions

Delegation is one of the main time management tools. To be able to do what only you can do (which is your calling and area of happiness), you need to delegate those tasks that others can do.

In positive time management, an important criterion for delegation is if the task not only takes time, but also brings negative emotions. For example, when delegating household chores, you conduct an audit: I willingly prepare food and wash dishes, my husband has nothing against putting things in their places and doing laundry. None of us likes washing floors and vacuuming. This task can be delegated to a housekeeper.

Discussion

The best way is antidepressants. I don't understand why people are so afraid of them.

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